5 Comments
Mar 1Liked by Donn Harper The Apocaloptimist

No batteries? Urgh

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Mar 1Liked by Donn Harper The Apocaloptimist

Dear Donn, your Gnome Away looks promising as a gnome and sprite removal strategy, but I need a few clarifications:

1. The batteries are required for lightning⚡️?

2. How long is that handle? I like to use the ‘Flying Hammer of Death’ first introduced in Albania by a very lost Viking named Siggie.

Optimal Sprite Splash!

3. My Dark Fae enforcers are salivating over your Gnome Away. Do you have bulk discounts?

Please respond with alacrity — I am afraid the nymphomaniacs are eying my Longhorns.

Carnage will ensue!!!

Yours truly,

Malevolent M

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author

No batteries required!

The handle is adjustable and, it is self returning when thrown.

To recharge you just need a Virgin Syrian goat, a gallon of Olive Oil and a full moon.

We now have two models.

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Mar 1Liked by Donn Harper The Apocaloptimist

The adjustable handle and self return just clinched it. Now every Dark Fae will need 2 — one for smashing and the other can be recharged by the local druids.

Hey dude, what price breaks can I get for 15k units? It is not good to piss off the Dark Fae, and it takes very little to light them up. Riskier still if they are lusting after new weapons. Have mercy!

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Re: Malevolent M,

Your magnificent Malevolence,

Please feel free to stop by our showroom.

We are conveniently located, at the next to last exit on hwy 666, between the Motel Hell and no tell Hotel.

Look for the Kilted Werewolf.

Our staff of Lust Leprechauns are ready to serve your needs!

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