The makers of GNOME AWAY
Proudly present the new and improved Electric ⚡ GNOME AWAY 🤯
Now with expanded Sprite Splat option!
Have noxious Fae invaded your space? Do they dust on your friends and buzz around your place.
Global warming has expanded the natural habitat range of biting Sprites.
These nefarious nymphs with their vampiric disease ridden bites, as well as their poisonous claws are carriers of Lyme disease, leprosy, rabid nymphomaniacal distemper, leftism, and dementia.
They are also known to transmit Rabies, bidenphilia and trump derangement syndrome with their bites.
Drop the hammer on these annoying pests.
Get yours today.
Sprite Splat is where it's at!
EPA approved though
Not recommended for outside use during thunder storms.
Special introductory offer:
$ 29.95, plus shipping and handling.
Batteries not included.
No batteries? Urgh
Dear Donn, your Gnome Away looks promising as a gnome and sprite removal strategy, but I need a few clarifications:
1. The batteries are required for lightning⚡️?
2. How long is that handle? I like to use the ‘Flying Hammer of Death’ first introduced in Albania by a very lost Viking named Siggie.
Optimal Sprite Splash!
3. My Dark Fae enforcers are salivating over your Gnome Away. Do you have bulk discounts?
Please respond with alacrity — I am afraid the nymphomaniacs are eying my Longhorns.
Carnage will ensue!!!
Yours truly,
Malevolent M