The Care and Feeding of CritterMonsters.

Barbecue Adventures

Cockatrice tastes like chicken. A bit chewy, like over cooked Rattle snake or Gator tail. It does have a pretty white color to it. Even if it was like Chicken flavored chewing gum. Under cooked it was easier to chew, however the moment it hit the stomach, it caused rather energetic reactions.

Something in the meat reacted with stomach acid, which is primarily Hydrochloric acid. Producing Hydrogen gas and a methane-sulfur horror compound. Both of which were volatile. Elon Musk should really look into this effect. I bet it would be even more energetic than the methane compound he currently uses for rocket fuel.

Thomas discovered the enervating aspects of Cockatrice jambalaya by accident. As many truly informative experiences are. William unfortunately had been a chain smoker. Right up to the last moment of his life.

To say his send off had been spectacular as well as memorable would be an understatement of enormous standards. It created a fourth of July event that all who witnessed it would never forget.

The courts had mandated that the Rescue Ranch, pay for the CPTSD therapy and related trauma treatments for all affected cook out attendees. Which placed another strain on ranch finances.

At least William had been a full time employee, and his benefits package had included life insurance along with liability waivers. When his widow had sought a law suit the courts had sided with the ranch for once.

William began feeling ill right in the middle of his third bowl of Jambalaya. After the loud stomach gurgling and raucous flatulence he had hurriedly excused himself, fleeing from the pavilion. To the great relief of everyone seated at the tables. Especially his wife.

Perched on a bench a good Fifty yards away, William lit a cigarette. To settle himself down it was assumed. There was a loud ripping sound that merged into an tremendous “ Whoompff” sound.

William , sort of levitated , a column of fire emerged from his lower rearwards region. After a moment, fire shot out of his mouth and the levitating William began to spin, and gain altitude rapidly. The flaming spinning William flew through the high roofed pavilion igniting the Fourth of July decorations , which ignited stockpiles of illegal fireworks. There was a nasty rotten egg stench left in Williams wake.

A cacophony of Roman candles, bottle rockets, mini mortars, fire crackers, and M-80s scattered the attendees in all directions. William, continued gaining altitude, disappearing into the early night.

A bright pinwheel of fire marking his path. They never recovered his body. Remarkably, no one else was injured. Physically at least.

Thomas, after a decade of managing the Critter monster rescue ranch, and the various Redneck rampages, Hill folk rambunctiousness and Hellbilly adventures with the employees, was nonplussed.

Between the great petting zoo debacle, the political scandal when they had been accused of election interference, however there was no evidence. So no charges could be filed. Even so called witnesses had disappeared.

The Pig -orc wrangle, and the giant armadillo chase through Knoxville,

Along with normal day to day Appalachian American wonders. “ Here hold my beer” can be both entertaining and terrifying.

Twenty years ago, when He had written His Masters Thesis on a comparison of modern flightless birds with Raptor fossils. He had never imagined that a degree in Paleontology, would translate into a career in cryptozoology, working with living Cryptids.

William had been the one to begin the tradition of calling them critter monsters. Insisting on petting and hand feeding many of them.

Thomas really missed William. William never called in sick, had never missed a day and, had cooked a mean Jambalaya.

Life , is an adventure. Always cook the critter correctly. And stay away from open flames and enclosed spaces when eating exotic Jambalaya.