Gravity Sucks

My Brain is in a box, surviving me!

A fallen tree laying on broken bench, lumber jack in mid air next to a cabin

( Notice text under the AI pic… and the pic. No need to fear AI, just saying…)

Todays debacle of real life adventures:

Gravity sucks or,

How not to help remove a dead Dogwood tree.

Or, how to amuse crows and a possibly concealed sasquatch while I demonstrate my ineptitude and the supremacy of gravity.

Or, why I love my heating pad, Ibuprofen and have not gotten out of bed today.

So, in a misguided attempt to be both productive and helpful I first, moved the bench to a " safe" location where falling debris from the dead walnut tree would not damage said bench. Well, Dogwood Tree, I, thought the dead tree was a Walnut at first due to the damage done to axe and brush Axe. Nope, it's a Dogwood. One a big Dogwood.

Next I sharpened the axe, just to be sure that things would go smoothly.

I Then proceeded to whack the dead tree to no effect. Dogwood is a hardwood. Who knew?

I bent down to inspect the lack of damage done to the tree and damage done to the axe. I decided NOT to attempt to take down the tree while here, alone except for Leo the cat, some opinionated crows, and the ever lurking Uwharrie Sasquatch and a mouse. a mouse that I suspect is in fact Pooka , but that is another tale.

As I leveraged myself back into an upright position, several things occurred. First, to my surprise, gravity chose to lend assistance, unasked for. This turn of events led to the tree falling, directly towards the riding mower. which was not in the original intended path of fall. Which was why the bench had been relocated by the way!

Miraculous as it now seems, I managed to redirect the free falling Dogwood tree away from the riding mower. The bench I had moved to a secure location of safety turned out to be neither secure nor safe.

While this fact was asserting itself an highly agitated and decidedly aggressive snake of undetermined size ( Huge, ginormous, and I do not like snakes especially ginourmous aggressive and of undetermined species.) I didn't take time to politely ask whether said serpent was poisonous or not, said behemoth was at least six inches long!

The assertive nature of the suddenly revealed serpentine presence. A decidedly unexpected present to be sure which led me to, in mid save, to attempt to climb the now falling tree.

This was not successful on my part. Climbing a tree while it is falling is certainly a specialized skill set I unfortunately lack. However, temporary flight proved possible.

I was catapulted to the vacant spot where the bench had originally been located while the tree, like a smart AI controlled heat seeking missile locked on to and indeed struck the bench. That bench had never done anything to deserve such ire.

The Crows expressed various opinions. The cat ignored everything. The snake slithered off somewhere and I am sure the Uwharrie large footed hairball snickered at me.

I retrieved the disinterested cat, out of concerns about potential agitated serpentine appetites along with my wounded pride I retreated into the house, to a cacophony of Crow opinions. I have no idea what they were saying , nor do I truly wish to know either.

I am now pursuing blood replacement therapy, ie, drinking coffee and peering out of the nice picture window considering what I must report to the requisite authorities. I am not looking forward to said report.

Did I mention this all happened after I decided to NOT do anything to or with the Dogwood tree while alone or unassisted?

Also, discovering that I can or will, bounce, was unpleasant.

So damage done;

One innocent bench.

One dead Dogwood tree,

My pride.

A startled serpentine monstrosity.

Various amused crows.

An amused Sasquatch.