Dietary rules for critter monsters.

“I know the Flatlanders keep bringing their politicians! You have to stop feeding them to the Crocofiends!” Ralph hung his head, “ Yes sir, but, they like them so much!”

Thomas stomped away, “ I don't care! Do it again and I will feed you to them!” Politicians were, while cheap meat, problematic.

Democrats tended to cause the Crocofiends and flying Quetzalcoatls explosive gas and diarrhea. Republicans caused gassy constipation. Both situations were hideous to deal with.

Pity the giant Armadillos and wer-racoons wouldn't touch them. Not even the pig-orcs would touch them. The politicos tended to run to fat and bloated. Most of the carnivorous delights preferred lean or well marbled.

Better to use them as feed and fertilizer for the carnivorous roses.

The struggles of running the critter monster rescue ranch.

They were still making payments on the judgment that had been levied by the county judge. The former manager had tried to make the ranch profitable.

Apparently turning it into a petting zoo had been somewhat ill considered.

In the distance a cockatrice crowed. Thomas sighed. Soon it would be dawn, and the dragons would be demanding their breakfast. Thomas considered disguising the politicians as virgins.

Dress a few in white , the Dragons shouldn't notice. They usually didn't even chew! Hmmm…

Several hours later, exhausted from Manning the fire hose and wearing the full NBC suit and air tanks. Thomas swore never again.

Who knew politicians caused flaming flatulence, acid diarrhea and fire burps in dragons? Oh mother of mercy the stench! Even through the gas mask and O2 bottle!

Some days there just wasn't enough coffee or tequila to deal with the stress. But hey, the towns folk were happy and taxes were low so maybe it wasn't so bad after all.