Dear uncle Screwtape

A young demon, writing a letter from a jail cell

Dear uncle Screwtape,

Help me please!

My assigned human was absolutely insane, depraved, perverse, and inventive beyond description.

I do not know which is worse.

I did take notes, which were forwarded through the chain of command.

My trial date for the resulting law suits for irrevocable damages is pending my sentencing for my crimes against hell.

Please help me with your assistance with expediting my conviction for dereliction of duty.

After this last week I desperately need a few millennia in the lake of fire.

I am hoping the concentrated hell fire can burn the ick off of my scales.

I have already gouged my eyes out.

Which reminds me, mental floss. What works best to scour memories out of my mind? Will Fluoroantimonic acid  work? Nitric acid, and Sulfuric acid had no affect, neither did Chlorine or nuclear waste, or that attempted suicidal dive into Jupiter which only resulted in a strange lingering odor, being three feet shorter, flat feet and a permanently squeaky voice.

I know, I know, a third level demon tempter has certain requirements and proscriptions.

I swear, it was in the best interests of all hell that,  that human, go to church, read his Bible and get saved .

Shouldn't I get props for getting that mess into the enemies camp rather than corrupting hell?

Yes, I confess I tricked him into reading Bible tracts, and going to church.

We don’t want what lives in his heart to corrupt hell, an eternity with that among us is beyond comprehension.

Yes, I admit to weeping and begging and pleading at heavens gate to take him away.

The Seraphim were most annoyed! There's that to show for my efforts at least.

No I won’t apologize.

Yes, I dragged him bodily to church.

Yes I saved his life repeatedly rather than allow him to die and contaminate hell.

Yes I prevented his suicide attempts,

Yes I possessed him and prevented him from committing Capital crimes , it was to prevent him from being executed for his crimes and thus, literally breaking hell wide open.

I confess openly to my crimes.

If you had any concept of the depravity in his heart you would have made the same choices!

Every single thing I did was in service to hell I promise you.

Please uncle Screwtape, I am begging you  for help.

I need to be sent to the deepest depths of the lake of fire.

If that is not possible,

Please petition GOD for early judgement and destruction.

I cannot exist with these images in my memory.

Thank You in advance for your assistance Uncle Screwtape.

Sincerely,

Your devoted hell spawn

#5150

( I know will never earn my name now!)

A commentary on the Human heart.